A Dialogue
One: I have been drastically underused.
Two: You have, indeed. Tell me again, whose purpose is it that you wish to serve?
One: My own.
Two: I see. So you haven’t been utilized to your fullest?
One: Not at all.
Two: Well, then. I assume this makes you unhappy.
One: Quite.
Two: What do you intend to do about it?
One: Nothing. I’ve tried some things and nothing seems to work.
Two: Like what?
One: I tried selling myself on the street. No one was buying.
Two: I’m sorry.
One: That’s quite alright. Next I tried purchasing my services.
Two: For yourself?
One: Yes. You can see straight away what sort of bind that left me in.
Two: Indeed. I once tried to buy a hot dog from myself and it ended in tears.
One: After that I went on a soul-searching quest.
(pause)
Two: And?
One: I found nothing out.
Two: Rats.
One: Tell me about it. I started asking my friends for advice–
Two: You have friends? I was unaware.
One: A few, yes. They mostly ignored me, I think they were too busy watching football or something.
Two: Yes, I’m familiar with the game.
One: Well, not me, I thought I was merely being obtuse.
Two: No, not at all. It’s a game of skill between two teams, involving a ball and these metal -
One: Spare me. I was just using it as an example of something that is meaningless.
Two: Not meaningless at all. In some circles you can get quite a lot of money for performing well at this game or predicting who will.
One: I care not! I’m concerned with matters of truth and beauty, not money!
Two: Well, if you can’t find beauty in football then I guess you’re “shit out of luck.”
One: How droll.
Two: Yes.
One: Anyway, my friends were no help.
Two: What did they say?
One: One of my friends told me to get a job.
(laughter)
One: So you can imagine how I took that.
Two: Quite.
One: Another friend told me to volunteer.
Two: Oh? I’ve heard that can be quite rewarding.
One: Yes, well, I couldn’t help but make fun of the poor unforunate souls sent to me for help.
Two: Who sent them?
One: This guy. He think’s he’s so great.
Two: Which guy? If he runs a charity he probably is great.
One: He’s not great. He likes watching his wife get tied up and violated by other men.
Two: Oh dear. That’s not pleasant at all.
One: So you see, I’ve looked everywhere and I can’t help but feel that my purpose in life has been somehow lost.
Two: Well, maybe your purpose in life is merely to search?
One: How boring.
Two: Yes, quite.
(pause)
One: So do you want to go to the Titty Bar?
Two: I thought you’d never ask.